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Boundaries Suck

They should come with a warning label.

I mean they suck in the best way but, like, damn.

Let's take a step back. What the heck is a boundary?! When you google it- "A boundary is a personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible. In other words, boundaries define who we are and who we are not". My PERSONAL way of explaining this is, boundaries are the rules we set to personally uphold our self worth and the respect from others.

Now lets go into some examples; I once had someone yelling at me for no other reason then a bad day. Old Courtney who had no clue what boundaries are would of lost it. Started yelling back and stormed off! Courtney who understands boundaries... looked said person in the face and said "You can not talk to me like this. You really should not talk to people like this." Person hugged me and said I am so sorry I am having a bad day and yada yada yada. WE then found some solutions and turned the day around.

In that moment I started to really understand a boundary is a standard of how I will let people treat me. SO one of my triggers is being spoken down to or spoken at like I am dumb. It brings out my fight response HOWEVER now I acknowledge that and in return my boundary is now that I will not let people talk to me side ways. I will tell people "Hey I do not like that", I will refuse to let people in my space that talk disrespectfully, if someone crosses my boundary I tell them where it went wrong OR I say "hey your tone is kinda rubbing me the wrong way, can we circle back to this when I can listen better?" I can stay calm and ask questions now. I now am fully aware of WHEN my boundary is being crossed.

I have mental, physical and emotional boundaries.

It has not been until the last 3-6 months that I can now identify a trigger (something that makes me feel off or angry) then pinpoint what would make me NOT feel so icky about it. AND THEN implementing the boundary.

One thing they do not tell you though is that it hurts like hell. It hurts like hell to tell a nearly lifelong friend that until you can change your negativity I can not subject myself to it. It hurts your heart when you notice a texting pattern off and a change in behavior. You call out the behavior and when the behavior does not change it will absolutely shatter your heart to CHOOSE to no longer let the person cross that boundary anymore. No one tells you how bad it hurts.

I am not sure if its the former people pleaser in me but in a way I feel like I am kinda giving up on someone. This is the hardest part. This is the part I am having to rewire. I am not giving up on someone. I am informing them how they can treat me if they decide to ever change their ways. I am not giving up them. I am respecting the quality of respect that I also give. I am not giving up on someone I love. I am showing someone I love, how to love me.

Boundaries are great.

But no one ever told me how bad they would hurt.

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