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Major Depressive Disorder

MDD takes a village.

I mean life really takes a village. I know the expression is referring to raising kids and what not but aren't we all just giant kids on a floating rock?

Social media is an awkward thing if you really think about it. We frantically check our technology squares to engage with people and peak into each others lives. HOWEVER, it is where my village is. In 2021 I am trying this authentic thing where I show more then my rainbows. WHO HAS A LIFE OF ALL RAINBOWS?!?! No. One.

Last week I had heartbreak occur and I had the opportunity to feel my feelings and not try and run up a wall away from them. I also shared my heartbreak and what easily could have sent me into a tailspin was stopped by an abundance of love. The following couple of days my spark was missing but I felt permission for the first time to simply just be.

By the time Monday rolled around I could feel the lurk of MDD. What I mean by that is the cloud that looms and removes every ounce of drive in your body. I was laying in bed feeling the numbness buzz when I shared a status

" Today: you win

I’m a blubbering mess can I just go back to bed "

Dramatic or whatever I was showing the real me. Randi Kay (a real dope girl) said something so profound on that status. She said "You chose to give today back to the earth. That’s not a loss that’s regrouping." Reading it alone allowed me to remove the crippling elephant from the room. She reframed my mind and thinking. I am a very fast paced individual and 9.9 out of 10 days I am WAY to hard on myself. In all reality even IF I was functioning Monday morning I would not have been productive. My heart was sad. Allowing myself some time to regroup allowed me to later pick up my laptop and start a single task.

A single task.

When you are crippled from the pressures of life and/or heartbreak, a simple day to give it back to the earth may just be all we need. Heck maybe even two days. Just know it is ok to CHOOSE to lay there and feel the feelings and or lack of. We put the imagination of expectation on what we feel success should be for the day. Some days simply being awake is success and that is okay too.

Just remember to lean into your village, feel those feelings and take the first step cause I promise, it is not always rainbows and that is okay too. Without rain, there would be no rainbows. <3

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